REAL Wisdom!!

Now this is REAL wisdom!!!

Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end..”

Sadly the author is unknown (I’d love to claim ownership!!) However you might like to visit this website to see more ‘Political Incorrectness’!!

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Old Fingernails

My daughter had a conversation with our (at times) quite serious minded four and a half year old grandson- she had just made the observation his nails were in need of a clip ‘n clean.

Nathan- “Mummy, I think I know why Nana’s nails are so long- I think they must not have a nail-clipper like us!!”

Mummy- “Hmmmm….maybe. Are Poppa’s nails long?”

Nathan- “Well, no. Hmmm… Well, he is maybe too old, and when you get old you get full-size and you stop growing. I think that’s why his nails don’t grow long!”

I do love him.

Wisdom + Honesty = Child

I received these gems from a friend and although I KNOW you will probably have seen or heard one or two of them before, I think they are worthy of sharing. They are supposedly true and far be it for me to doubt that such wisdom and honesty wouldn’t be true.

TEACHER: “Why are you late?”
STUDENT: “Class started before I got here.”
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TEACHER: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
JOHN: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
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TEACHER: “Glenn, how do you spell crocodile?”
GLENN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”
TEACHER: “No, that’s wrong!”
GLENN: “Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!”
(Love this child)
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TEACHER: “Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?”
DONALD: “H I J K L M N O.”
TEACHER: “What are you talking about?”
DONALD: “Yesterday you said it’s H to O.”
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TEACHER: “Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.”
WINNIE: “Me!”
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TEACHER: “Glen, why do you always get so dirty?”
GLEN: “Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.”
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TEACHER: “Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘ ”
MILLIE: “I is..”
TEACHER: “No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’ ”
MILLIE: “All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’ ”
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TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
LOUIS: “Because George still had the axe in his hand…..?”  ______________________________________

TEACHER: “Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?”
SIMON: “No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.”
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TEACHER: “Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his?”
CLYDE : “No, sir. It’s the same dog.”
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: “Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
HAROLD: “A teacher?”

I have to add I didn’t choose the names, although I will say I can’t recall having taught any Winnies, Glenns, Clydes or Harolds in the some 45 years in NZ schools!!! They could have only added to the experience of being a teacher!

 

CHILDREN’S WISDOM (and Honesty.)

These gems from children- enjoy!

Children Writing About the Ocean…                                           
1)  – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.   (Kelly,  age 6 )

2 ) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age  6)

3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.  If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.   (David, age  7)

4) – Sharks are  ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She’s not my  friend any more.   (Kylie, age  6)

5) – A dolphin  breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.    (Billy, age 7)

6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a  woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie, age  6)

7) – When ships  had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when  the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My  brother said they would have been better off eating beans..  (William,  age 7)

8) –  Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like  their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,  really?   (Helen, age 6)

9) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby  brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister  has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age  6)

10) – Some fish  are dangerous.. Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock..  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug  themselves in to chargers.   (Christopher, age  7)

11) – When you  go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12)  – Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.  Divers can’t go  down alone, so they have to go down on each other.  (Becky, age 6)

13) – On  vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.  (Julie, age 7)

14)  – The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don’t drown I  don’t know.  (Bobby, age 6)

15) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all  about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)