LIVING WITH TODDLERS

This is a wonderful, insightful piece written by Mike Julianelle

As a parent, your schedule is often dictated by the needs of your child, especially when that child is young.

The necessity of getting a toddler home for a nap — as well as the need to get them to bed for the night before the sun has even gone down — can cripple your day. Being sequestered in your home for a few hours is usually better than dealing with a public meltdown from an overtired toddler, so sometimes, the trade-off is worth it. Still, raising a toddler can be rather suffocating.

In fact, it’s uncanny how many aspects of the parenting experience remind me of prison — complete with a sadistic little warden who harbors a Napoleon complex.

10 Ways Having a Toddler is Like Being in Prison

      • You can’t do anything without constant supervision
      • Every morning begins with someone screaming at you to wake up
      • You’re always terrified something bad will happen when you’re in the shower
      • You’re always terrified someone is going to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night
      • Meal time is fraught with tension
      • Someone’s always watching you go to the bathroom
      • You never get to choose the movie and then it’s hard to hear it over all the hooting and hollering
      • You’re always terrified someone is going to punch, bite, tackle, stab or attack you with some kind of makeshift weapon
      • Contraband — like booze, chocolate and adult entertainment — must be smuggled in and consumed in secret
      • Conjugal visits are hard to come by, require intense scheduling, and are often interrupted. BONUS: One Way Having a Toddler is NOT Like Being in Prison
      • Being placed in solitary confinement is a reward, not a punishment.
      • (The advantage of being a ‘grandy’- you can leave and go back to ‘the outside’.)Thanks, Mike Julianelle!! 🙂

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