A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a tinkling burn flowing beside the fairway on the fourth hole at a picturesque highland golf course.
A passing groundskeeper shouts: ‘Dinnae drink tha waater! Et’s foo ae coo’s shite an pish!’
The golfer replies: ‘My Good fellow, I’m from England . Could you repeat that for me, in English!?’
The groundskeeper, taking real care to enunciate carefully replies: ‘I said, use two hands – you’ll spill less that way!