I’ve thought for some time that my wife’s hearing was going and that she could well be getting to the stage of needing a hearing aid. Of course this is a bit of a sensitive issue and I wasn’t completely sure how to approach the question with her so I called my doctor for a bit of advice. He was very understanding and gave me this simple but helpful test that could sort of ‘break the ice’- “There’s a simple wee informal test you can perform that will give me an idea of the extent of her problem and also give you a starting point to talk about with your wife. Firstly just stand about 25-30 metres away and then say something to her in a normal conversational speaking tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 20-25 metres, then 15 and so on until she’s able to hear you and answers.”
This sounded like a pretty good plan so that evening while the wife was in the kitchen and I was at the front of the house about the right distance away I said, in a conversational tone, “What’s for dinner, darling?”
I didn’t hear any reply from her so quietly moved about 5 metres closer and again, in conversational tone asked her what was for dinner. Again there was no response.
I moved even closer and standing in the hall about 15 metres away repeated the question but still there was no reply.
I moved into the dining room and now only about 8 metres away I tried again- no response.
It appeared all my worst fears were pretty much confirmed but I figured I’d see just how bad the problem was so I quietly walked into the kitchen until I was standing almost behind her and asked her one last time- “What’s for dinner, Love?”
This time the wife turned and with a long-suffering look on her face replied-
“For God’s sake, you silly deaf old bugger- for the fifth and final time IT’S CHICKEN!!!”