TORCHER!

Yes, my daughter is blonde. She is also very well educated, very capable in the spoken and the written word, and has a satisfying desire for correctness (despite the fact that she will participate in deconstruction of the English language if it suits her mood, and not infrequently it does.) But she sent me the following little anecdote under the title, “Entertaining Brain Fail”. That being the mood in which she sent it, I decided to share it.

So, on Tuesday, I woke up with a blocked ear. Grr. In a wee email to my mate downstairs at work, I told him about it, lamenting the fact I couldn’t even listen to my ipod. I cited this as “cruel and unusual torcher”.
Yup, TORCHER.
Spell check didn’t like it, at which I was totally baffled. What the hell’s wrong with you, spell check? None of the suggestions looked like suitable alternatives to what I’d written. So I checked the dictionary. TORCHER. Doesn’t exist. Screw you, Microsoft Office and Concise Oxford Dictionary, I thought, and sent it anyway. And as I hit send, I had a strange little surreal ‘The Matrix’ moment…had I been imagining the use of this word for my entire life? Had people actually been saying a different word, but my brain somehow heard this?
…about an hour and a half later, I realised, quite out of the blue, why spell check didn’t like my word, and why I couldn’t find it in the dictionary. I emailed my mate, letting him how I’d just realised this – to which he replied “lol – I thought you were just being ironic!”
To which I replied, “I know it’s nothing to joke about, but I’m wondering if maybe I’ve just had a wee stroke. I need a break, let’s go and get coffee.”

He he. I love her to bits.

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